The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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