I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
