I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
