I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
