i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
