i just wanna soil my oats bro
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
