just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
