you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
