Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
