Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
