you traded sex for a burrito?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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