It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
