Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize