Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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