No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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