Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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