So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my phone needs a breathalizer
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Sext me about skeletons
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
