we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
