I accidentally had phone sex last night
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
