When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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