I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
