I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
