her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize