So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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