I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have feelings that need drinking.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
