and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
