i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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