I'm going to jail i love you
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
