Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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