put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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