Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
