Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just googled if crying burns calories
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
