im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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