he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
