What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
