That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
