Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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