pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
