Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
