is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
