Fuck appropriateness.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
