you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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