We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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