he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
