Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
and you fell through a lawn chair
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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