Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
