i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
