Christians are straight up FREAKS
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize