I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
