omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm getting married
To pizza
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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