8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
