Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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