my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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