jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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