I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
