New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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