It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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