I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize