I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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