i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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