I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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