Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
