HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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