I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
