Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
