actually, I'm a sock model
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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